Many people who are faced with a cheating spouse problem rather hide the fact that they know from the cheater. Although they have learned what is going on, they choose to pretend that everything is normal on the home front.

People normally do this for two reasons. One, they do not care what their spouse is doing because the marriage has become one of convenience rather than substance. There are no longer any deep feelings for each other and they stay together because of practical reasons that include kids and financial security.

Two, they fear the worst. They do not want to bring up the issue for fear that the marriage will be over. Once they confront their spouse, they are afraid that their spouse will choose the other person and not them. So, in that sense, it is better to keep quiet and still have a marriage than create a big issue out of it and lose a family.

Should You Tell?

Whether you should tell your spouse what you know is very much dependent on what you hope to achieve for your marriage. If your spouse does not know that you know, then you do have an option to remain quiet for now. But keeping quiet only works for some situations but not others.

It will not pay to remain quiet if you still care about your spouse and want to keep the marriage. The longer you keep quiet, the more opportunities there are for your spouse to create a bond with the other person. If you want to save your marriage, it is better to confront your spouse sooner rather than later. You will want him to give up on the other person and rebuild the marriage with you. Therefore, it works to your advantage if your spouse cuts off the ties with the other person before they get stronger and harder to break off.

Even if you are afraid that your marriage will end with a confrontation, you have to take the chance. A prolong unhappy marriage will not do anyone any good. The longer the infidelity continues, the more harm it will inflict on your self-worth too.

On the other hand, you do not have to tell your spouse that you know he is cheating if you have a plan to divorce. Sometimes, you do need the time to balance your checkbook and prepare your kids. You might also need the time to gather more evidence of the cheating for divorce purposes. If this is what you have in mind, then keeping quiet for now might serve your interest better. In fact, it may even be harder to keep quiet than to call him a cheater in his face when you have already decided that leaving is a better option.

In short, whether you should open your mouth and tell him what you know depends on whether such an act is to your advantage or otherwise. Think about your long term plans and what you want to do. Some people keep silent but quietly work in the background to gather finances and a place to stay before springing a surprise on their cheating spouse by filing for divorce. Others confront their spouse and start fighting endlessly everyday with no real solutions to the problem. Therefore, think before you act. Have a plan ready, then you will have a better idea if telling your spouse that you know he is cheating is a wise move or otherwise.

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Filed under: Handling Cheating

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